A Doubt in Mahabharat

In some remote village of India, one masterji is teaching the Mahabharat katha to class 6 students. He is at the 'krishnajanma' part of it.

Masterji: "Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put vasudev n devki behind the bars.

First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning... Second one is born n kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born..."

Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand. Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous n confused)

Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in mahabharata then how come u have one?"

Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to Kill him,

WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL ?


Masterji fainted.....

What Is The Best Punishment For A Woman?

Give her new clothes

Matching her jewelry

And nice cosmetics

And then

Lock her in a room without mirror.

The Dark Candle

A man had a little daughter--an only and much beloved child. He lived only for her, she was his life. So when she became ill and her illness resisted the efforts of the best obtainable physicians, he became like a man possessed, moving heaven and earth to bring about her restoration to health.

His best efforts proved fruitless, however, and the child died. The father was totally irreconcilable. He became a bitter recluse, shutting himself away from his many friends, refusing every activity that might restore his poise and bring him back to his normal self.

Then one night he had a dream. He was in heaven and witnessing a grand pageant of all the little child angels. They were marching in an apparently endless line past the Great White Throne. Every white-robed, angelic tot carried a candle. He noticed, however, that one child's candle was not lit. Then he saw that the child with the dark candle was his own little girl. Rushing towards her, while the pageant faltered, he seized her in his arms, caressed her tenderly, and asked, "How is that your candle is the only one not lit?" "Father, they often relight it, but your tears always put it out again," she said.

Just then he awoke from from his dream. The lesson was crystal clear, and it's effects were immediate. From that hour on he was no longer a recluse, but mingled freely and cheerfully with his former friends and associates. No longer would his little darling's candle be extingushed by his useless tears.

The Horse Who Wanted More Beauty

A cosmic god had a horse. The horse was beautiful and also it had many good qualities. But it wanted to be more perfect in every way. It especially wanted to become beauty unparalleled.

One day the horse said to the cosmic god, "O Lord, you have given me beauty. You have given me other good qualities. I am so grateful to you. But how I wish you could make me more beautiful. I would be extremely, extremely grateful if you could make me more beautiful."

The cosmic god said, "I am more than ready to make you more beautiful. Tell me in what way you want to be changed."

The horse said, "It seems to me that I am not well proportioned. My neck is too short. If you can make my neck a little longer, my upper body will be infinitely more beautiful. And if you can make my legs much longer and thinner, then I will look infinitely more beautiful in my lower body."

The cosmic god said, "Amen!" Then immediately he made a camel appear in place of the horse. The horse was so disheartened that it started to cry, "0 Lord, I wanted to become more beautiful. In what way is this kind of outer form more beautiful?"

The cosmic god said, "This is exactly what you asked for. You have become a camel."

The horse cried, "Oh no, I do not want to become a camel I wish to remain a horse. As a horse, everybody appreciated my good qualities. Nobody will appreciate me as a camel."

The cosmic god said, "Never try to achieve or receive more than I have given you. If you want to lead a desire-life, then at every moment you will want more and more. But you have no idea what the outcome will be. If you cry for a longer neck and legs, this is what will happen. Each thing in my creation has its own good qualities. The camel is not as beautiful as you are, but it carries heavy loads and has a tremendous sense of responsibility.

Semmozhiyana Tamil Mozhiyam

Sourc: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tamil_units_of_measurement

Thanks for Listening So Patiently...

Thanks for Listening so Patiently Dude... I really appreciate It...

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Rare Fact about Indian Coins...

Indian coins are mainly produced in 4 cities:

1. Delhi

2. Mumbai

3. Hyderabad

4. Kolkata

The production in city puts an identification mark under the year of issue. Coins produced in:

1. Delhi - have a dot

2. Mumbai - have a diamond

3. Hyderabad - have a star

4. Kolkata - Nothing beneath the year

Isn't it amazing?

Most of us don't know this........Now put your hand inside your pocket/ wallet/ purse and check out!!!!

It is not the Amount that Matters but the Thought and Care

Many years ago my wife and I were on a trip to Carmel, California for some shopping and exploring. On the way we stopped at a service station. As soon as we parked our car in front of the pumps, a young man, about eighteen or nineteen, came bouncing out to the car and with a big smile said, "Can I help you?"

"Yes," I answered. "A full tank of gas, please." I wasn't prepared for what followed. In this day and age of self-service and deteriorating customer treatment, this young man checked every tire, washed every window - even the sunroof - singing and whistling the whole time. We couldn't believe both the quality of service and his upbeat attitude about his work.

When he brought the bill I said to the young man, "Hey, you really have taken good care of us. I appreciate it."

He replied, "I really enjoy working. It's fun for me and I get to meet nice people like you."

This kid was really something!

I said, "We're on our way to Carmel and we want to get some milkshakes. Can you tell us where we can find the nearest Baskin-Robbins?"

"Baskin-Robbins is just a few blocks away," he said as he gave us exact directions. Then he added, "Don't park out front - park around to the side so your car won't get sideswiped."

What a kid!

As we got to the ice cream store we ordered milkshakes, except that instead of two, we ordered three. Then we drove back to the station. Our young friend dashed out to greet us. "Hey, I see you got your milkshakes."

"Yes, and this one is for you!"

His mouth fell open. "For me?"

"Sure. With all the fantastic service you gave us, I couldn't leave you out of the milkshake deal."

"Wow!" was his astonished reply.

As we drove off I could see him in my rear-view mirror just standing there, grinning from ear to ear.

Now, what did this little act of generosity cost me? Only about two dollars - you see, it's not the money, it's the consideration.

Well, I must have been feeling especially creative that day, so on our arrival in Carmel I drove directly to a flower shop. As we walked inside I said to the florist, "I need a long-stemmed rose for my wife to carry while we go shopping in Carmel."

The florist, a rather unromantic type, replied, "We sell them by the dozen."

"I don't need a dozen," I said, "just one."

"Well," he replied haughtily, "if you only want one it will cost you two dollars."

"Wonderful," I exclaimed. "There's nothing worse than a cheap rose."

Selecting the rose with some deliberation, I handed it to my wife. She was impressed! And the cost? Two dollars. Just two dollars. A bit later she looked up and said, "I must be the only woman in Carmel today carrying a rose." And I believe she probably was.

Can you imagine the opportunity to create magic with those around you, and all for the cost of a few dollars, some imagination and care?

Remember, it is not the amount that matters but the thought and care that often has the greatest impact upon those you love.

The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build a relationship.

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up...

Live like a Candle Which Burns It self but Give Lights to Others.

"Live amongst people in such a manner that if you die they weep over you and if you are alive they crave for your company."

Health Benefits of Onion

Onion is being used for centuries not just to add flavor to foods but also for its therapeutic properties. Onion have an antibacterial and antifungal properties. Some people mixed vinegar with onion juice and apply it in their freckles and warts, it is believed that it can remove/reduce this skin problems.

Nutritive Values of Onions : Per 100 gm.

* Vitamin A : 50 I.U.
* Vitamin B :
* Vitamin C : 9 mg.
* Calcium : 32 mg.
* Phosphorus : 44 mg.
* Potassium : 300 mg.
* Carbohydrates : 10.3 gm.
* Protein : 1.4 mg.
* Calories : 45

Onion is Benenificial in the following conditions:

* Asthma
* Influenza
* Colds
* Tuberculosis
* Insomnia
* Pneumonia
* Antiallergy
* Obesity
* Reduce inflammation
* Slightly laxative
* High Blood Pressure
* Lowers cholesterol
* Prolong longevity
* Helps destroy worms and other parasites.
* Bronchitis (inflammation of the bronchial tube)
* Neuritis (inflammation of the nerves)
* Vertigo (inflammation of nerves)
* Diuretic (increases the secretion of urine)
* Diabetes mellitus - lowers blood sugar.
* Valuable for the hair, nails of the fingers and toes, and for the eyes.
* Sinus conditions - helps to drain mucus from the cavities and loosen phlegm.
* Whether fresh or cooked onions have antiplatelet, adhesiveness, thus preventing thrombosis

World's Most Beautiful Smile

Health Benefits of Carrot

Carrot is a vegetable grown for its edible root. Raw carrots are eaten in salads and are mixed with some viands.

Carrot contain carotene, a chemical that is converted into vitamin A by the body, it helps prevent night blindness.

Health Benefits of Carrot:

1. Carrot can enhance the quality of breast milk.
2. Carrot can improve the appearance of the skin, hair and nails.
3. When taken daily it can lower cholesterol and blood pressure.
4. Raw contain beta-carotene, a strong antioxidant that can prevent cancer.
5. Carrot juice when taken everyday prevent bodily infections and is claimed to be valuable for the adrenal glands (the small endocrine glands situated above the kidneys).
6. Carrot can help improve eyesight.
7. Carrot can help increase menstrual flow.
8. Carrots can regulate blood sugar.
9. Carrot can promote colon health, because carrot is rich in fiber.

Carrot is also helpful in the following cases:

Obesity, Poisoning of the blood, Gum disease, Insomnia, Inflamed Kidneys, Liver, Gallbladder, Alzheimer's disease, Colitis, Ulcer Painful urination

Vitamin and Mineral Content:

* Vitamin A - 12,000 I.U,
* Vitamin B; Thiamine B: .06 mg.
* Riboflavin: .06 mg.
* Niacin: .5 mg.
* Vitamin C: 5 mg.
* Vitamin D, E, G, & K
* Calcium: 39 mg.
* Iron: .8 mg.
* Phosphorus: 37 mg.
* Fat: 0.3 gm
* Carbohydrates: 9.3 gm.
* Protein: 1.2gm.
* Calories: 42

Story of Appreciation - Nice One !

One young academically excellent person went to apply for a managerial position in a big company.

He passed the first interview, the director did the last interview, made the last decision.

The director discovered from the CV that the youth's academic achievements were excellent all the way, from the secondary school until the postgraduate research, never had a year when he did not score.

The director asked, "Did you obtain any scholarships in school?" the youth answered "none".

The director asked, " Was it your father who paid for your school fees?" The youth answered, "My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees.

The director asked, " Where did your mother work?" The youth answered, "My mother worked as clothes cleaner. The director requested the youth to show his hands. The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect.

The director asked, " Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?" The youth answered, "Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Furthermore, my mother can wash clothes faster than me.

The director said, "I have a request. When you go back today, go and clean your mother's hands, and then see me tomorrow morning."

The youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back, he happily requested his mother to let him clean her hands. His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to the kid.

The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly. His tear fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother's hands were so wrinkled, and there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that his mother shivered when they were cleaned with water.

This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes everyday to enable him to pay the school fee. The bruises in the mother's hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his graduation, academic excellence and his future.

After finishing the cleaning of his mother hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother.

That night, mother and son talked for a very long time.

Next morning, the youth went to the director's office.

The Director noticed the tears in the youth's eyes, asked: " Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?"

The youth answered, " I cleaned my mother's hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes'

The Director asked, " please tell me your feelings."

The youth said, Number 1, I know now what is appreciation. Without my mother, there would not be a successful me today. Number 2, by working together and helping my mother, only I now realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done. Number 3, I have come to appreciate the importance and value of family relationship.

The director said, "This is what I am looking for to be my manager. I want to recruit a person who can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the sufferings of others to get things done, and a person who would not put money as his only goal in life." You are hired.

Later on, this young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates. Every employee worked diligently and as a team. The company's performance improved tremendously.

A child, who has been protected and habitually given whatever he wanted, would develop "entitlement mentality" and would always put himself first. He would be ignorant of his parent's efforts. When he starts work, he assumes that every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the sufferings of his employees and would always blame others. For this kind of people, who may be good academically, may be successful for a while, but eventually would not feel sense of achievement. He will grumble and be full of hatred and fight for more. If we are this kind of protective parents, are we really showing love or are we destroying the kid instead?*

You can let your kid live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn piano, watch a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. After a meal, let them wash their plates and bowls together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love them in a right way. You want them to understand, no matter how rich their parents are, one day their hair will grow gray, same as the mother of that young person.

The most important thing is your kid learns how to appreciate the effort and experience the difficulty and learns the ability to work with others to get things done.

White Peacock vs. Peacock

The Biggest Football Miss in History - Uzbekistan vs Qatar

Philosophy of Life

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican fishing village.

A tourist complimented the local fishermen on the quality of their fish and asked how long it took them to catch it.

"Not very long." they answered in unison.

"Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?"

The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to meet their needs and those of their families.

"But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children, and take siestas with our wives. In the evenings, we go into the village to see our friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs.

We have a full life."

The tourist interrupted,

"I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you!
You should start by fishing longer every day.
You can then sell the extra fish you catch.
With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

"And after that?"

"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers.

Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant.

You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City!

From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?"

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years." replied the tourist.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting, " answered the tourist, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the fishermen.

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

"With all due respect sir, but that's exactly what we are doing now. So what's the point wasting twenty-five years?" asked the Mexicans.


And the moral of this story is:

Know where you're going in life, you may already be there.

You Are Wonderful!!!

The following story captured our heart. It happened several years ago in the Paris opera house. A famous singer had been contracted to sing, and ticket sales werebooming. In fact, the night of the concert found the house packed and every ticket sold.

The feeling of anticipation and excitement was in the air as thehouse manager took the stage and said, Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your enthusiastic support. I am afraid that due to illness, the man whom you've all come to hear will not be performing tonight.

However, we have found a suitable substitute we hope will provide you with comparable entertainment. The crowd groaned in disappointmentand failed to hear the announcer mention the stand-in's name. The environment turned from excitement to frustration.

The stand-in performer gave the performance everything he had. When he had finished,there was nothing but an uncomfortable silence. No one applauded. Suddenly, from the balcony, a little boy stood up and shouted, Daddy, I think you are wonderful!!!!!!

The crowd broke into thunderous applause.

We all need people in our Lives who are willing to stand up once in a while and say, I think you are wonderful. And at times others are expecting this from you. Are you telling them how wonderful they are??????????

Say it now and make "someone's day more pleasant.

Unexpected Question and a Witty Answer

When Swami Vivekananda went to USA, a lady asked him to marry her. When Swami asked the lady about what made her ask him such question. The lady replied that she was fascinated by his intellect. She wanted a child of such an intellect. So she asked Swami, whether he could marry her and give a child like him.

He said to that lady, that since she was attracted only by his intellect, there is no problem. "My dear lady, I understand Your desire. Marrying and bringing a child in to this world and understanding whether it is intelligent or not takes very long time. More over it is not guaranteed.

Instead, to fulfill your desire immediately, I can suggest a guaranteed way. Take me as Your child. You are my mother. Now on your desire of having a child of my intellect is fulfilled."

The lady was speechless….!!!

We may receive unexpected questions at times, it depends on how we handle the situation, how witty our answer is!!!!!

What you didn't know about Micheal Jordan...???

• Michael Jordan having "retired", with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,000 a day, working or not.
• If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
• If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there.
• If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it.
• He makes $7,415/hour more than minimum wage.
• If he wanted to save up to for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
• If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $200 every second.
• He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.
• He'll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in Olympics, and about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.
• This year, he'll make more than twice as much as all U.S.past presidents for all of their terms combined.

Amazing isn't it????

However....

If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 500 years, he'll still have less than Bill Gates has at this very moment.

GAME OVER. NERD WINS.

Receipe For Sinus

Receipe for Sinus

1. Take 1 cup tomato juice
2. Take 1 tea-spoon chopped garlic
3. Take 1/2 tea-spoon sauce (tomato, ketchup or anything according to your taste)
4. Take 1 tea-spoon lemon juice
5. A pinch or two of celery salt (for flavour/taste)

Heat the above ingredients and drink hot.

God Bless!!!

Charan's Fancy Dress Competition - 1st Std - 1st Price

Amazing Magic Trick

Amazing Magic Trick

Amazing Magic Trick
You've all seen magician sawing people in half, and most of them have been explained. But this one is quite different, and...

faltu.tv

Quote of the day

To the Question of your life, you are the only Answer.
To the Problems of your life, you are the only Solution.

Tata Motors to introduce Air Car

Tata Motors to introduce Air Car - Is it the next big thing?



Tata Motors is taking giant strides and making history for itself. First the Landrover-Jaguar deal, then the world's cheapest car and now it is also set to introduce the car that runs on air, compressed air.



With spiralling fuel prices it is about time we heard some breakthrough!

India's largest automaker Tata Motors is set to start producing the world's first commercial air-powered vehicle.



The Air Car, developed by ex-Formula One engineer Guy Nègre for Luxembourg-based MDI, uses compressed air, as opposed to the gas-and-oxygen explosions of internal-combustion models, to push its engine's pistons. Some 6000 zero-emissions Air Cars are scheduled to hit Indian streets by August 2010.

The Air Car, called the MiniCAT could cost around Rs. 3,50,000 ($ 8177) in India and would have a range of around 300 km between refuels.

The cost of a refill would be about Rs. 85 ($ 2).

The MiniCAT which is a simple, light urban car, with a tubular chassis that is glued not welded and a body of fiberglass powered by compressed air. Microcontrollers are used in every device in the car, so one tiny radio transmitter sends instructions to the lights, indicators etc.

There are no keys - just an access card which can be read by the car from your pocket. According to the designers, it costs less than 50 rupees per 100Km (about a tenth that of a petrol car). Its mileage is about double that of the most advanced electric car (200 to 300 km or 10 hours of driving), a factor which makes a perfect choice in cities where the 80% of motorists drive at less than 60Km. The car has a top speed of 105 kmph. Refilling the car will, once the market develops, take place at adapted petrol stations to administer compressed air. In two or three minutes, and at a cost of approximately 100 rupees, the car will be ready to go another 200-300 kilometers.

As a viable alternative, the car carries a small compressor which can be connected to the mains (220V or 380V) and refill the tank in 3-4 hours. Due to the absence of combustion and, consequently, of residues, changing the oil (1 litre of vegetable oil) is necessary only every 50,000Km).

The temperature of the clean air expelled by the exhaust pipe is between 0-15 degrees below zero, which makes it suitable for use by the internal air conditioning system with no need for gases or loss of power.

How to Get Blood in Emergency!!

Above table indicates suitability of BLOOD Donor v/s recipient.

Now it has become easier to get the blood we need.

All you have to do is just type "BLOOD and send SMS to 96000 97000" (in India)

EX: "BLOOD B+"

A BLOOD DONOR WILL CALL YOU within minutes!!

So please pass this message to all. It certainly would save many lives.

It's a Must to Know & Share. Please do it now.

Forward this to all your friends whom you care, as the minute you spare to share this information can save somebody's life with rare Blood Group.

Breathing Therapy

The nose has a left and a right side; we use both to inhale and exhale.

Actually they are different; you would be able to feel the difference.

The right side represents the sun, left side represents the moon.

During a headache, try to close your right nose and use your left nose to breathe.

In about 5 mins, your headache will be gone? If you feel tired, just reverse, close your left nose and breathe through your right nose. After a while, you will feel your mind is refreshed.

Right side belongs to 'hot', so it gets heated up easily, left side belongs to 'cold'.

Most females breathe with their left noses, so they get "cooled off" faster.
Most of the guys breathe with their right noses, they get worked up.

Do you notice the moment we wake up, which side breathes faster? Left or right?

If left is faster, you will feel tired. So, close your left nose and use your right nose for breathing, you will get refreshed quickly.

This can be taught to kids, but it is more effective when practiced by adults.

My friend used to have bad headaches and was always visiting the doctor. There was this period when he suffered headache literally every night, unable to study. He took painkillers, did not work.

He decided to try out the breathing therapy here: closed his right nose and breathed through his left nose. In less than a week, his headaches were gone! He continued the exercise for one month.

This alternative natural therapy without medication is something that he has experienced.

So, why not give it a try?

Have anyone seen an angel dancing??? If not, then see this...

The Wall of Resentment (Inspiring)

A story tells of a merchant in a small town who had identical twin sons. The boys worked for their father in the department store he owned and, when he Died, they took over the store.

Everything went well until the day a twenty-dollar bill disappeared. One of the brothers had left the bill on the cash register and walked outside with A customer. When he returned, the money was gone.

He asked his brother, "Did you see that twenty-dollar bill on the cash register?" His brother replied that he had not. But the young man kept probing and Questioning. He would not let it alone. "Twenty-dollar bills just don't get up and walk away! Surely you must have seen it!" There was subtle accusation In his voice. Tempers began to rise. Resentment set in. Before long, a deep and bitter chasm divided the young men. They refused to speak.

They finally Decided they could no longer work together and a dividing wall was built down the center of the store. For twenty years hostility and bitterness grew, Spreading to their families and to the community.

Then one day a man in an automobile licensed in another state stopped in front of the store. He walked in and asked the clerk, "How long have you been Here?" The clerk replied that he'd been there all his life. The customer said, "I must share something with you. Twenty years ago I was 'riding the rails' and Came into this town in a boxcar. I hadn't eaten for three days. I came into this store from the back door and saw a twenty-dollar bill on the cash register. I put it in my pocket and walked out. All these years I haven't been able to forget that. I know it wasn't much money, but I had to come back and ask your Forgiveness. "

The stranger was amazed to see tears well up in the eyes of this middle-aged man. "Would you please go next door and tell that same story to the man in The store?" he said. Then the man was even more amazed to see two middle-aged men, who looked very much alike, embracing each other and weeping together In the front of the store.

After twenty years, the brokenness was mended. The wall of resentment that divided them came down.

Lesson to Learn from The Story

It is so often the little things - like resentments - that finally divide people. And the solution, of course, is to let them go. There is really nothing Particularly profound about it. But for fulfilling and lasting relationships, letting them go is a must. Refuse to carry around bitterness and you may Be surprised at how much energy you have left for building bonds with those you love

Contact Agreement by a 96 year Old Frustrated Lady

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to Pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have Elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of The funds needed to honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only Eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of Opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for The inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused Me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I Personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging prerecorded, faceless entity Which your bank has be come.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh and blood Person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no Longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed Personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must Nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any Other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your Chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in Order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, There is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical History must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory Details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) Must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she Must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 Digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses Required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As They say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press Buttons as follows:

1. To make an appointment to see me

2. To query a missing payment.

3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there

4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home

7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is Required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.

8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put On hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

Uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. While this may, on Occasion, involve a lengthy wait, Regrettably, but again following your Example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of This new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less Prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

(Remember: This was written by a 96 year old woman)